Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
