I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
