I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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