I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
