Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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