Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
