So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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