They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
