Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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