Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
