I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
