All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
