Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
