Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
