you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
