these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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