I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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