omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
