Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What a dumb baby whore.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
