Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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