dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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