I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
