Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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