I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
