I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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