you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
