Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
