you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
