girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i will never coherently bang her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
