You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
