I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
