i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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