Sponge bath it is.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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