Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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