I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
