so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
