I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
