I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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