Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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