So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
