do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
