I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
