we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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