Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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