would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
