don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
