yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
