At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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