u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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