ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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