Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
