Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
