Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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